I woke up today, which is always a good start. My brain was throbbing so I grabbed my down alternative pillow and rolled onto my side, covering my face. As I am sitting there breathing slowly trying to remember what day it is I hear my son’s voice coming from his bedroom. I quiet my breathing so I can hear him more clearly. He is singing and playing his guitar.
This sound, the sound of a five year old boy melodically chanting lyrics to a popular cumulous radio song accompanied by the erratic strum of guitar strings washes over me. From time to time it takes these moments to remind me.
Each day I wake at 4:30 a.m. (if you figure for exaggeration that means 6:00 a.m.) When I wake I shake out the sleepiness, throw on some sweats and make my way downstairs to work out. Ok, again exaggeration. Most days this means wandering in the kitchen aimlessly for two minutes while the water heats for my tea followed by stumbling up the stairs, shouting sweet greetings to the children as I turn on their lights from the hall on the way to the shower. While I am in the shower I plan the day. Of course this step is meaningless as my day is planned for me. Kids to school, off to work-yada yada yada, pick up kids, dinner, homework, clean house (remember the exaggeration factor), off to bed. Repeat. Not a bad routine really. I have a job I enjoy. My kids are healthy and mostly well adjusted. The magic bill fairy always seems to send out payments from my imaginary bank account on time.
The problem is I always seem to find myself complaining. Condescendingly listing my responsibilities as though they are not great achievements. Grumble about how early I have to be at work. How little time I get with the kids. How little time I get to myself because I spend “all my time” with the kids. Why can’t I just get paid more? Where is my million dollar lottery ticket? Etc… We are all guilty of this. Human beings are self centered by nature. Go ahead and insert how selfless you are right now while you scoff at my writing ability but scientifically, we do not perform any function that does not have a result/impact/benefit for ourselves.
What about the last time you cussed out your husband in your mind for rinsing the dishes with cold water? Complained about working on the weekends. Walked the dog two miles at 5:00a.m. grinding your teeth because it is so cold out and it is too early in the morning. Rolled your eyes at the bright eyed assistant that filed the records by their own version of the alphabet causing a loss of efficiency for an entire half hour. We complain. It is a fact. The problem is the energy we bring upon ourselves and then onto others while we are in this negative mindset. This, my friend, is a bigger obstacle than all the marijuana smoked during your teen years.
Have you ever walked into a room, say, a party at your friend’s cousin’s co-worker’s house to celebrate the great workings of Pampered Chef and felt the weight of the world forcing you to seek alcohol to make it through the next two hours of your long life? How about that incredibly exciting obligated birthday party at the roller-skating rink for your four year old that cost you $200.00 to risk your life rounding up children you have never seen before for cake and presents? Tell me that you did not wish to stick yourself with some valium injections when the one parent you don’t know decides to leave his kid there for an extra four hours and go home for a relaxing afternoon.
All of these daily activities that we are so blessed to take part in are the very bane to our existence when the negative energy takes over. Ah yes, now you do see, we are selfish creatures. This is not an err, it is simply a trait of our breed.
The keys to the good life do not exist. You are your own mood stabilizer. The next time you find yourself trapped in your office at 5:15p.m. (eeek!) trying to convince the person on the phone that you do not have anything to do with the lost chicken in his yard and no you do not know where he should go to find a new place to live should said chicken huff and puff and destroy his home, just take a deep breath and remember the little voice of a five year old.
“You had a bad day…you see what you like..how does it feel?..one more time ..” -Smile. You have taught them all the tools they will need to prepare themselves for the trials and tribulations ahead. Because- really if this is the worst thing that has happened to me today, I think I’m ok.
~Gratitude
